So after winding myself up last night, my beloved pet began having issues at both ends….
I don’t know about you but illness of those I love is a nerve wracking experience even BEFORE I was afflicted with panic.
All night I bolted out of bed if she moved. The rest of the time I remember self-talking myself down from a pounding heartbeat. Clearly panic and anxiety.
I’m up this morning and want to hide. I have a job to be at shortly and I’m not sure I can muster the courage to go. My heart continues to pound. Anxiety wells and panic is driving the bus.
My dog is curled in my lap and I just want her to not throw up the water she drank a few minutes ago and feel better.That’s it.
Why can’t pet people call in with a sick pet? This is the closest thing I have to a child and she’s ill…. Shouldn’t I get a no fault sick day for that? I have only used one this year….
I would love to use more but, my pride keeps me from it so I white knuckle through my day. If I called in as often as I truly feel I couldn’t do this…I would actually have been unemployed before spring.
Days like this are the most painful…it would be like a “normal person” having major surgery and going to work right after they woke up…it’s that painful. It’s that miserable.
I don’t want to go…but I have to.
Where did our lives veer off course? When did I become this lump of torment that functions so inefficiently? Where did my strength and stamina go? Where did I go?!
So, I concentrate on gathering the courage and ability to get off this seat and get my work clothes on….
Today is already hard and it’s not much past 7:30.
I hate this.