Defcon 5 right outta the gate!

So after winding myself up last night, my beloved pet began having issues at both ends….

I don’t know about you but illness of those I love is a nerve wracking experience even BEFORE I was afflicted with panic.

All night I bolted out of bed if she moved. The rest of the time I remember self-talking myself down from a pounding heartbeat. Clearly panic and anxiety.

I’m up this morning and want to hide. I have a job to be at shortly and I’m not sure I can muster the courage to go. My heart continues to pound. Anxiety wells and panic is driving the bus.

My dog is curled in my lap and I just want her to not throw up the water she drank a few minutes ago and feel better.That’s it.

Why can’t pet people call in with a sick pet? This is the closest thing I have to a child and she’s ill…. Shouldn’t I get a no fault sick day for that? I have only used one this year….

I would love to use more but, my pride keeps me from it so I white knuckle through my day. If I called in as often as I truly feel I couldn’t do this…I would actually have been unemployed before spring.

Days like this are the most painful…it would be like a “normal person” having major surgery and going to work right after they woke up…it’s that painful. It’s that miserable.

I don’t want to go…but I have to.

Where did our lives veer off course? When did I become this lump of torment that functions so inefficiently? Where did my strength and stamina go? Where did I go?!

So, I concentrate on gathering the courage and ability to get off this seat and get my work clothes on….

Today is already hard and it’s not much past 7:30.

I hate this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s