So as I mentioned this morning, I have blurry vision on and off and have likely convinced myself that I may be in line for a stroke.
I have no other symptoms except dizziness (which I get with anxiety/panic anyway). I have no markers that would make me suseptable for stroke other than extra pounds. I have no markers for someone predisposed to blood clots…..but…..that doesnt stop the anxiety over developing a case of babble or confusion.
We have all had those moments when we are talking and we utter words that dont make sense because we are putting two together or we are in a hurry or hopped up on caffeine. To a “normal” person, it is an amusing moment to giggle about. To someone with panic/anxiety, it clearly means a sign of doom.
No, I havent had a moment of confusion or babble. I have in my life…which I choose the moment I am in a panic to think about because having a chronic disorder of the magnitude that we often do, just isnt enough. We have to add a side of death or disability and wash it down with a long list of worries that we can never quite seem to get past for long.
The mind is an amazing and strange organ. If I spent as much time feeling great about things as I do tormenting about things, I would be one giddy fool.
So I go through my day diagnosing each blip in my life like I have a medical specialty in every field on the planet. What I SHOULD be doing is diagnosing my need to diagnose myself. If I could master THAT, then the skies might open up and the sun might, just maybe shine through…..