Peeking at medical records and a new therapist

This Morning I woke up ready to go. Already feeling nervous and wanting to crawl under my bed.

I had an appointment with a new therapist this morning. I was anxious and hopeful. Will she be the key to the jet that takes me out of this hell hole?

So I did get dressed and headed out.

When I arrived I was a little worried about the quality woodwork and off the waiting room library. Is my insurance going to pay for this?

She came out and I was relieved she didn’t give me the stink eye upon seeing me. I was also relieved that I didn’t have to give her one either. She seemed nice so I ventured back to her office with her.

We discussed some background. I explained that I was worn out from panic and felt myself tear up.

Sweet goodness, the first 5 minutes and I’m primed for crying. Distasteful to say the least but i didn’t let loose. I got it back in order and continued on.

She seemed to urge me to reconsider my stance on medication. I’ll go a bit longer and see what I can do without it. I would like to plow through this on my own.

We lightly discussed the triggers in my life and will meet again next week.

I left feeling the same but hoped eventually I’ll walk out feeling stronger and more like myself.

I had to rush to pick up my medical records from the cardiologist and my GP.

Of course I had to review my charts, being a newly minted Internet doctor and all…

PVC, PAC, sinus tachycardia….One instance of A-fib….

All things I should not know.

I wish I would have left them sealed. It had copies of my heart rhythms along with the reports….things none of us should be allowed to see without editing and supervision.

I know in 2 reports it says I have a slightly enlarged aorta chamber and 2 including the most recent, it doesn’t.

I’ll be writing down my findings and quizzing the poor 2nd opinion doc on Monday.

In the end I pray I’ll get a pat on the head and told to go play…and I’ll actually do it….


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