CT Scan with Die


Yes, die.

I had a CT Scan with contrast dye today. I had a moment where I couldn’t breathe and my heart was going to explode. I hated it. Panic attack you ask?

Well, let me hook a tow truck up to your heart and see if you have some panic.

Apparently I had a “mild” reaction. Intense symptoms for a few minutes apparently constitutes mild.

Well, me and my MILD symptoms will never do that again. My heart rate went from 66 to 120, my heart was flipping around like it was trying to leave my body. Quickly, but was hung up on some ribs.

The tech called the doc down. I was trying to tell her my hear was all over but she left the room. Nice. I was weekly saying “Hello? Hello?” nothin.

As I recover, she mentions she pushed a bigger dose through because my heart rate was heading toward the 80’s. I’m medication sensitive. Thanks for trying to kill me for a minute.

My body is pissed off. I’ve been in a funk all day. Pushing fluids but it doesn’t seem like enough so now I worry I’m not getting the dye out like I should.

I hear I’ll feel better tomorrow. That’s good because this adventure has set me back in my anxiety and panic.

Dizzy spells, wanting to run home and be in my safe spot. Only 1 bath today though.

I’m hoping for good news from the doc tomorrow. If I’m not at risk for anything, meaning no sign of heart disease or other nasty things that appear with a CT Scan, I’m paying off my bills and quitting my job.

No job, no paycheck is worth what I went through today.

My employers culture is one of suspicion, fear, politics and nepotism. It’s toxic an I know it will be the death of me if I don’t get out.

I hate to have to start over. I don’t think I should but what else am I going to do? Unless you’re related, favored or got dirt, you’re at risk. That’s no way to live.

I’ll say it again, that company will be the death of me if I don’t leave.

I feel victimized every time I pull into the parking lot.

The sr. Director is worthwhile but the people below her? Wouldn’t last a second at another company in those positions. They cheat lie and try to intimidate whomever they can. It’s disgusting. Not for profit clearly doesn’t also have to mean moral compass.

I’ve had SO many signs from God that it’s time to save myself. God is watching over me, I know.

I wish they could be what they preach they are. Shameful.

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