*TING!*


Goes the timer.

I’m done.

I’m truly done. The people I work for are relentless. They are terrible, unethical, hateful, in genuine, heartbreaking and life altering.

Today was probably the last day I can fully function for them (or anyone) as an employee.

They continually pinpoint me for saying or doing things I would never say or do but THEY would.

I just have had my fill.

I think when you’re finally at home and you drop your things when you come in and gently close the door while you start to sob uncontrollably, it’s a defining moment.

Here are the types of people they are.

If they were to read this, know the person that wrote it and disliked them as they do me…..they would pass it amongst themselves, laugh and make jokes about the paragraph I’ve written above.

They would do so without a single shred of fear of ethic lapses, moral issues or simple human decency.

Why? Well because they are the mean girls of the company and they don’t have to. If you’re not liked, you’re nothing but trash they step through to move along during the day.

Essentially you’re dog crap they have in the bottom of their shoe and it doesn’t matter to them that you have value as a human being. It doesn’t matter or, better yet, they would find utter and complete joy that you’re hurt because no one can give you a simple five minutes of their time when you’d like to discuss something important.

How would you like to walk down a hall and have these people make no apologies or even TRY to hide the fact that they are talking about you as they roll their eyes and look at you up and down.

How would you like to walk in to a meeting and see them have small polite conversations with EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room, except you. When they come around to you, they look straight ahead and keep walking.

I’m not a terrible person. I get along well with everyone….except these few people.

My co-workers seek me out. My colleagues in other departments make sure to talk to me when we see each other. I have solid relationships with everyone. But……

Them.

How would you like to go to work each and every day, be a top performer, fix troubled things, make your company money and make them look good…..while your bosses treat you like your trash.

You HAVE to stay because you’re overqualified for places you’ve interviewed with. The others won’t look at you because they don’t want to pay that wage or maybe you’ll want their job, no matter how many times you swear you’re wanting something simple.

So I stay and they push me closer and closer to the edge of insanity.

They would truly enjoy knowing that.

During my complete meltdown tonight I became enraged for a second and said I should just kill myself….at work and show them what they’ve done.

I’m not a suicidal type but for that second it seemed normal. Fitting.

They’d probably like to know that too. They would enjoy it. They would like it. It would feed the power hungry machine they’ve become.

Spouse was upset about it and I reassured that it was anger and pain talking. I had no thoughts or ideas to truly off myself at work and I don’t. I’m not someone that believes that it’s okay to do that. I now, after suffering with this panic and anxiety for so long do understand how one can get to that point but its not fair for my family and friends. Leaving people behind to sort out the damage is just wrong.

So as I sit here in the dark, dreading having to try to muster the ability to get in the car and go to work tomorrow, I wonder what makes people the way that they are.

How can they sleep at night? How can they pray? DO they pray? I wonder if they know God because I just can’t imagine being as close to God as I am now and being okay with treating people that way. I couldn’t do it and I couldn’t stand by and allow others to do it.

I sit here with my soul hurting. I do not want to go back there. I hate that it takes every ounce of mental, emotional and physical courage I can muster. Every single day.

I’ve done EVERYTHING they’ve asked me to do. I’ve done it well. I’ve exceeded their expectations and yet….

I’m the bad guy. I’m the odd man out.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be a good employee. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be a good person.

But, I don’t know any other way. So, I’m left with a bag full of pain while they continue their path of destruction.

A defining moment for me was when a co-worker who knows nothing about this side of my life said today, out of the blue that they were going to start sending me job postings every day until I found another place to work because I am a stomped on, beaten up and abused shell of who I was. They said I was tired, worn out and used up and that our company would continue to steal every ounce of my value until I either quit, or died.

I was taken aback because I’ve never told this person anything other than general work stressors.

It must show because an employee today asked if they could talk to me. I said yes. She said that she was angry at our company. I was bewildered because to her, I AM the company. She said

Do you want to know the reason I don’t want to go further here?

She’s a high potential. She’s someone that I think has an amazing future so yes, I was sure curious.

It’s because I see how they treat you and how they treat other managers. They treat the others like they matter. Those managers don’t work as hard as you do, leave early every day, come in late and don’t do anything when they’re here. But you? You’re always here. You’re strict but fair. You take the time to spend with people and every place you go, people want to be around you. You make this company money and they talk about you like you’re nothing. They treat you even worse than nothing and I think it’s because they’re jealous. None of them can do what you do. No one even trusts them or likes them. But we all do you, so I don’t want to move on with this company because they have no truth. They make choices on how they feel about someone instead of the value that person has and I’ll tell you this much, I’m here because you’re here. When you go, I go.

So, I guess it’s not my imagination.

I also think Im about over that ledge. I guess they should be excited. They’ve about won. I’m just not sure what we are fighting about or what the prize is but…it must be worth destroying someone over…..

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3 thoughts on “*TING!*

  1. ~*~ HUGS ~*~ I will be praying for you, for the strength and courage you need to do what needs to be done. ❤

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