I wake up after a sleepless night. This day looks like all of the others except despair seems more deep rooted. Not overwhelming, just solid. Like its infiltrated my cells and is now part if my DNA.
Maybe it is
I need to be productive in life. I can’t.
I need to move forward, I’m stuck.
I’m a shell of who I thought I would be. Little resemblance of who I thought I was.
There is no strength in my speech and there are no markers of confidence in my gaze. I’m still broken.
Each day I hope…”Today is the day it’s going to turn around! Today is the day God will see that I am ready to get up and walk on. Today is the day I get my life back.”
But it hasn’t been.
They say you should walk, act, think and imagine how you want your life to be and it will happen.
They say if you pray and ask, you shall receive.
They say your outlook makes your experience. But….
I have fallen so far, the distance has gotten so great that it may be that the best I can hope for is to be less broken.