Good days and other days

My family has a short tripped planned for today. I won’t be going because it is a family event that isn’t ideal for me to be at.

They won’t return until tonight.

It’s the first time I’ve been home alone this long and I’m anxious about it.

It’s strange because yesterday was a really good day – over all.

I was able to manage symptoms enough to be okay. I thought I was possibly viewing that highway back “home”, and then I wake up today feeling caged and anxious.

Concentration is poor and I feel like I haven’t slept for a year. I want to lay in bed but fear of clots keep me upright.

I look at the expansive day ahead and worry about what I’ll do with it.

I should read. I should go out and do some things that need to be done but…I probably won’t. I probably can’t.

Instead I’ll likely fixate on the clock.

X hours until they return. Y hours until they return…

Being so tired mimics some symptoms of anxiety so it almost sets them off if they’re not already flowing.

Allergy season is at hand and blurry vision is a norm in the morning but this morning, it’s a small throbbing concern.

If I had sense, I’d go lay down and get another hour or two of rest. That may make the difference but…my anxiousness keeps me awake. Keeps me glued to the screen or clock.

I need to push to get dressed…not sure if that will happen or not.

I need to eat a healthy meal. Not hungry.

I should hop in the shower. What’s the point?

I should be thankful I’m alive because fear of dying is what keeps me rigid with fear.

If we could only snap our fingers and concentrate on the good days, the other days wouldn’t matter.


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