How many times have we wished we had a magic ball? If we could only see the future or go back and fix mistakes or alter a path we took….
When I have days that my symptoms are taking over the place, like today, I wish there were a way to go back in time and alter the path that led me here. If I can even find it.
I would slow down or choose another avenue for work, home or hobbies.
Symptoms make life so much more difficult. Keeping appointments takes every ounce of courage and ability you can muster which can leave you depleted for the day.
I was told to force myself to keep commitments because it is one step away from being a hermit if you don’t. So, I kept commitments, “white knuckling” it the entire time. I think the doc was hoping that by doing so, I would be pulled back into an active role in my life.
The experiment hasn’t been successful so far. I just seem to keep spinning in circles unable to get out of the messed up groove and back to the highway of productivity.
It is SO strange to be in this place. This non-living, non-advancing place. It isn’t something we see for ourselves and when it happens, we are sidelined wondering how to fix it.
I fix things. It is what I have done as long as I can remember. This is different. It just isn’t anything I seem to be able to fix. I keep trying….I keep going….its all I can do while trying to keep the hope alive that one day I will step back into my life and use this as a way to help someone else.