Sadness


My skipped and extra heart beats (PVC, PAC) are back today. I hate them. Life is stressful enough – I sure don’t need these too.

It’s been a week since I was fired. I don’t miss them, that’s for sure. They are ridiculous people with a skewed image on how to conduct business. Popularity contests never proved to be great for business over the long run.

Today my heart is ping ponging around my chest upsetting me more and more. Some chest pains and some left arm numbness. It’s scary but I’ve been told as late as April that my heart checks out just fine. 4 months ago. I just have to keep reminding myself that its okay.

I received some legal papers in the mail. It’s just exacerbated the symptoms further.

It’s too bad life gets this way. It shouldn’t have to be do hard.

 

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A hamburger will get you!


The pain of my life

I am doing better with my heart anxiety, for the most part.

I’m currently having moments of pain followed by a boost of anxiety. I know it’s silent worry over the chest pain. It’s normal. I say it and mean it. It’s normal!

The reintroduction of certain foods seems to have provoked some of my symptoms.

Sugar, dairy and white bread have all been things I have been staying away from except on super rare occasions.

The last few weeks I have toyed with them only to experience what I am now currently suffering through. I figured I was having issues anyway so…I’d live it up a little. Well…no.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that those things are highly undesirable as far as my body is concerned. So…back off the list they go.

It’s better that way.

I feel like I’ve eaten rocks. My esophagus seems raw and angry.

As luck would have it, I have a scope coming soon. I’m hoping its nothing major and I can continue putting my life back together.

A medical setback is not what the doctor ordered. Neither is a hamburger.

Panic & Pain


For someone with panic like mine, pain can send you in a tailspin. I’m semi-in one now.

I have PVC, PAC heart beats. Irregular beats that are extra or skipped. Apparently they are very common but not felt. That’s the catch. You, reading this right now, may likely have them and be blissfully unaware.

My last doc said it like this. “If I pulled 60 people off the street, 40 have them. Of that 40, 15 feel them. We don’t know why but you’re in that 15. Of all 60, less than 1 has a true issue. You’re fine.”

I don’t feel fine, I feel fearful. When I have Sharp pains in my chest on the left side, and I do mean Sharp….I am afraid.

I don’t want to die. I feel like I’ve served no true purpose to God yet. If I die now, its a waste.

My prayers are spent wondering what it is that I can do, praying for the people in the world and praying for myself too.

God, my prayer is that each person finds every other, worthy. Agreeable and with an abundance of patience.

Amen